The Medicinal Properties of Brandy

September 17, 2019

I must again apologize to my Readers for the delay between essays — but the first 3 weeks of the university semester have been quite hectic.  Things have finally settled down to the point where I can put pen-to-paper (metaphorically speaking).

And, of course, with this new Semester comes a re-visitation of Durkheim and his concept of anomie — which I view as a societal malaise.  And the only way I know of counteracting malaise is — to find something to cheer you up!  As in hanging in a warm pub!!  Some would suggest exercise — but that sounds painful…

My readers also know that ever since November 8, 2016 — I\’ve been trying to create a concoction to ease the agony that You-Know-Who has put me and our country through…and ease those unbearably painful episodes (like watching Him throw rolls of paper towels out to hurricane victims).

As I search for the elixir to relieve me of Trump-induced pain — I have to be very careful —  because mixing Wine with other alcohols can be very dangerous.  The Germans have a saying: Bier auf Wein, das lasse sein, Wein auf Bier, das rat ich dir — which basically suggests that One can have their Wine with Beer and be fine.  Whereas following up beer with wine is a risky proposition.

I stopped drinking Beer years ago because, frankly, it filled me up and made me gassy.  I also tried other alcohols (all liquors as-a-matter-of-fact) to go with my daily Wine to see if I might ameliorate my metaphysical pain.  Whiskey gave me headaches and the Wife could smell it on my breath — as she could Vodka and Gin.  I actually quit Gin of my own volition when Friend Steve told me that\’s what W.C. Fields liked to drink.  I sure as Hell didn\’t want to develop a W.C. Fields\’ nose.  I even tried some liqueurs (some not for the general public) — but they all seemed to bring my functioning level down — even though they did resolve the confusion of this insane Life.

And then came Brandy…what a fine girl — what a good Wife she would be (so odd that the song was about a woman named Brandy and not the heart-warming stuff).  But the Wife seems able to deal with it; and, it stops that metaphysical pain.

For awhile, each-and-every evening, I find that a stiff shot of Brandy on top of my large glass of Wine dissipates the pain I feel RE: the destruction of US and allows me to sink into that middle-aged haze Pink Floyd sang about.  The adoption of Brandy into my de-programming from the day\’s events was so fulfilling that I wondered if it had any medicinal properties — and sure enough — internet searches revealed that it had 7 positive properties which I feel compelled to share with my Readers:

Boosts Immune System

I don\’t get sick very often — so I can\’t confirm this.

Boosts Heart Health

Neither can I confirm this — as I gather from medical exams that the ticker is doing fine.

Soothes Sore Throats

The next time I get one I\’ll definitely give this a try.

Used as a Sleeping Aid

I\’ve never needed a Sleeping Aid…

Anti-Aging Properties

My students generally under-estimate my age from 8-10 years.  The Ones really bucking for an \”A\” will under-estimate by 20 years.  So I can\’t confirm this either.

Helps Control Weight

God do I need this!  Even though I exercise regularly — my weight can fluctuate 2-4 pounds on successive days.

May Help Prevent Cancer

If this be true — all the more reason to keep quaffing the Brandy.

Friends and acquaintances ask me why I don\’t smoke the Ganga and the simple answer is: I can\’t!  I hear the new stuff out there is much more powerful than it was back-in-the-day.

I\’m not sure about this opiod craze either — though I did take a-couple-of-oxycodone to ward off an arthritis attack awhile ago and could definitely understand the attraction.

But as a White, middle-class male — I\’ve decided that Brandy is my poison.  We White-Folk can metabolize alcohol in 24 hours (since we\’ve been drinking the stuff for thousands of years).

Yes, indeed — Brandy, you\’re a fine girl!